I always love hearing from you and do my very best to respond to the many questions I receive. Sometimes, I feel that your questions and my answers will also benefit others. This is one of them.

Today’s question was submitted by Linda K. It pertains to the loss of her 10-year-old daughter, but my response applies to anyone who has had a loved one pass away and yearns for connection. ❤️

Dear Nikki:

You mentioned you have less dreams of your beautiful boy as time passes. I fear that as time passes my connection to my 10-year-old daughter who passed away last year will not be as strong. How would you suggest to keep the connection? What can I do to have more connection to other spirit helpers who I know are around but I don’t know who or what they are?  

Dear Linda:

I’m so sorry about your daughter and am sending you love from Los Angeles.

Let me clarify what I meant when I said in a blog article last year that I have fewer dreams with Tommy in them as time goes by. I still feel very connected to him nearly seven years after his passing; it’s just that the way we connect continues to evolve.

Soon after Tommy passed away, he and some of my ancestors—along with teachers I didn’t recognize—started visiting me in my dreams at night. It was so comforting (not to mention surprising), strange, and magical all at once. I had never experienced dreams like these until after he passed away.

Some nights, Tommy would show up as himself and give me a hug, some advice, or just a quick wave and a smile. And there were other nights when he would hang out with our family for as long as he could, making it clear he had to return at a certain time.

On nights when I didn’t see his physical features in my dreams, he would often stream music into my ears so loudly that the songs would wake me up. Sometimes, tears would be rolling down my face when I woke up because the songs’ titles or lyrics conveyed such loving messages. Other times, I’d wake up laughing because the songs were funny, and just so him.

Again, I had never had dreams like these before he left, but it didn’t take me long to recognize that the more I processed and enjoyed them, the more open I became to receiving them.

I started sharing my dreams in blog articles (like this one entitled “Dreaming and Streaming,”) because I figured if I was having this experience in the middle of the night, it must be happening to other people too. I hoped that by sharing stories and pondering the possibilities together, it might make more of us curious about loss and help us find some peace in it.

I am happy to report that it has.

Over time, however (and especially during the last couple of years), Tommy started showing up in my dreams less as himself, and more often in other ways.

For instance, there is a fluffy white dog who jumps into my arms from time to time and radiates so much love and happiness when he sees me in my dreams that he can hardly contain himself. There are no words to describe it. This dog and I are often together for extended periods of time, though I’m not sure why. I’ve never had a fluffy white dog, nor have I considered getting one.

I also started having more Toms and Thomases show up in my dreams—some of whom I have known in this lifetime, and others who predate me (like good ole Jefferson). There are two or three of them who rotate, popping in and out of my dream life when I least expect it.

I didn’t think much of these dreams until about three years ago when a shaman, who was conducting an ancestral healing ritual for me, began analyzing them. This shaman works with a group of elders in Africa who take dreams very seriously and communicate with the spirit world through them. Their work is so powerful and often reminds me that the way we conduct our own lives also impacts our entire family line.

When I described to the shaman the dreams I was having with the white fluffy dog and the various Toms and Thomases, the elders in Africa broke each one down.

“They are all Tommy,” the shaman said.

Why would he visit me as a white fluffy dog and as other people named Tom or Thomas? I wondered. Why wouldn’t he just come as himself?

A few weeks ago, I finally got the chance to ask the elders these questions.

A close friend, whom I deeply trust, began studying with them because among her many physical world talents, interests, and successes, she has also developed some of her own superpowers. She now wants to normalize the practice of ancestral healing and make it more available to the Western world.

When she asked as part of her training whether I had any questions for the African elders who specialize in connecting with the spirit world, I jumped at the opportunity.

“Why would our loved ones visit us in dreams as an animal or person with the same name, but not as themselves?”

Here’s what they said:

“Our ancestors come as animals so as not to wake us up in our dream and disturb us. When they come as themselves, we lose our breath and wake up out of the dream.”

Isn’t that fascinating? Does it resonate with you at all? 

I tell you all this (knowing others reading it may think I’ve avoided your question and gone around the bend) because you mentioned in your email that a couple of days before your daughter passed away, she had a very prophetic conversation with you, similar to the one I had with Tommy just days before his passing.

If I recall correctly, your daughter told you what a good mother you were. How safe she felt with you. And then, without knowing why, she said, “Mom, do you ever want to be a bird? I want to be a bird so bad.”

It was as if her soul was talking to yours and preparing you for signs to come. 

All of this is to say that if, over time, your daughter shows up less and less often in your dreams in her physical form, she might be developing a new dream language and showing up in other ways so that she can spend more time with you during the night.

I’m dying to know her bird of choice! 🕊️

I know you worry that periods of intense grief might prevent her from getting through to you. But as author James Redfield famously said in his book The Celestine Prophecy:

“Where our attention goes, energy flows.”

If you focus regularly on your connection, it can’t help getting stronger. 

There are many other ways I stay connected to my son after all these years. For example:

The art of connection is a practice. It takes commitment and self-discipline. It also requires enormous faith.

Faith that the spirits of our lost loved ones still exist. Faith that we can connect with them between worlds. And faith that no matter how hard life feels without them being physically here, they are still right beside us and rooting us on.

So…if your daughter goes quiet on you at times and the spirit team you wrote to me about disappears now and then, they might simply be testing your faith and letting you know it’s time to strengthen it.

Because to connect with your daughter and keep evolving together in this lifetime, you must truly trust that both are possible. ✨