A Valentine’s Day Challenge

by Nikki Mark

Healing Hearts

I never knew Lisa Marie Presley. I didn’t follow her life and I never closely followed her father’s legacy of music. But I knew who she was: a woman, a mother, and a bereaved parent – just like me. She was also a contemporary with whom I shared 52 years of the same lifetime.

It’s no wonder I felt something when she unexpectedly passed away.

It’s difficult for our human minds to comprehend the degree of loss and grief that Lisa Marie Presley endured during her lifetime: first losing her father as a young child, and then losing her son as a relatively young mother.

No wonder her heart stopped early…tired and broken.

“I’ve been through so much in my life,” she once said. “I’ve seen so much. I know how fast things can change. I know someone can be here one minute and gone the next.”

I understand what she means.

As many of you know, my seemingly healthy almost 13-year-old son went to sleep one night in 2018 and never woke up. The doctors were stunned. Our family was crushed. And the second half of my life is becoming a journey of healing, transforming and serving.

But what you may not know is that four days before tragedy struck, I took the opportunity to tell my son how much I loved him. How proud I was of him. And how much I admired him. We were stuck in traffic on the 405 freeway in Los Angeles that day when the urge to have this conversation hit me. I nearly held back, thinking it was corny and overstated. But as the words escaped my mouth, he received every one of them with a smile, and we proceeded to say everything we would have ever wanted to say to each other had we known we were saying goodbye.

I can’t express how grateful I am that I had this moment with my son. Every time grief creeps up on me, and I get sad about his short life, I reflect on that conversation and find peace knowing that he knew exactly how much I loved him, and why.

If there is one lesson to learn from my experience and Lisa Marie Presley’s very public life, without having to endure either one yourself, I hope it is this:

We must tell the people we love in our life how much we love them AND why.

Valentine’s Day, as corny as it can be, provides the perfect opportunity for everyone to get vulnerable and have this conversation.

Whether it’s your best friend. Your children. Your parents, sibling or spouse. Tell them. Tell them what you love about them. Tell them what you admire about them. And tell them exactly why they mean so much to you.

If you can’t find the nerve to say it, then write it. It doesn’t have to be clever, and it doesn’t have to be long. It just needs to be real. Feel every word emanating from your heart so that the person on the receiving end feels every one of them too.

This exercise is not just about you, by the way, or the way you will feel if someone you love unexpectedly passes away and you are robbed of the chance to say goodbye.

Lisa Marie Presley is a very public reminder that any one of us can be here one minute and gone the next. And if it happens that it’s your turn to go, I promise you, no matter how many times you have told your loved ones how much you love them, you will wish you had told them even more.

So, before you forget or your mind talks you out of it, crank open your heart a little wider this Valentine’s Day. Make the holiday stand for something more than just over-priced chocolates, flowers, jewelry and dinners. And take advantage of the free pass the day gives you to forever impact the hearts you love, from the inside-out.

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